radioactive thoughts

I want to write about a particular type of feeling that has been around for a while and I want to write on it. We all have experienced lonliness in different ways, different places and times. sometimes, even in the presence of somebody in your life, you are lonely. Sometimes, you are all by yourself which I believe is the least painful type of lonliness psychologically. when, on the other hand, there is actually someone is your life and you feel lonely, it either means that you are not being seen or you two are far apart from each other. Yes, one can always be alone during their day but it is the perception of having someone in mind, knowing that at the end of the day, they are waiting for you to hear you, to smell your clothes and reads what you have been through the day by that smell, to touch you and feels what's going on inside.

No contest. hands down, this is life and nobody should expect any better. Lonliness has never been this much close to me as these days, or probably was and I cannot recollect. I see lonliness as a dark gigantic creature that appears in my nights, sometimes during the day. No matter how am I feeling before that; and I try to avoid feeling it by whatever means possible. Sometimes I can do that and escape it and sometimes I cannot. When I cannot, it grabs me from my neck, looks at me, and I see it face to face with a never-ending agony in my voice. It is the moment when it haunts you down and you are terrified by the darkness within it. Once it drops you, you are on yourself again, as if you have been granted your freedom again.

And it goes on and on...