This episode is called staying positive

how to stay positive in the amid of chaos that is ongoing in my life? How to open up on the incessant agony within my rock-hard heart? How to stay strong?

these questions has colonized my mind, begging for an answer, almost every day and night. I wish I could tell the person within me to stop coming up with a solution for the situations that never get smaller. poor person within me, slaved to my ambitions and the journey I embarked on some while ago. Wish I could pass these people from my mind and give them a glance of how I am constantly feeling. The feelings I experience at a moment is insanely intricated I must admit: hope, hatred, anger, longing, ambiguity, love, fear, loneliness, blessed, pride, to name some. I think I am growing to my real capacity, what I barely pictured. Amongst all the restless thoughts and desires, I feel like I am getting smashed yet not bleeding as though nothing has been left for me. I must feel the pain, I must feel the agony, it must be extremely difficult to face the track I chose to carve on the meadow of my life. I wish I could stand to this world and its cruelities, inequalities, and all the predetermined ones. To that day, Hallelujah.